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[we_meet_again]

"You've reached Cobalt, leave a message!"

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[we_meet_again]

I don't think I could honestly look the people I care about in the eyes and tell them "I'm going to play this way and I don't care if you get hurt." If they tell me that they're hurt, then I don't feel good about playing that way any more. So I don't know if it's "bowing to their whims" so much as trying my best to listen to their concerns and find a different solution.

Everything is compromises and there's no good answer, 'cause as you said, people are always going to get hurt regardless. I want to do my best to play in a way that I can live with but sometimes even that feels impossible. Killing other units so we can live makes me hate myself beyond words. But the alternative is letting us die and that's unbearable to the other people in my unit, who are also trying to play the game in ways that they can live with. Dying hurts. Surviving hurts. Killing hurts. Allowing yourself to be killed hurts. All the solutions are bad.

I don't know what to do. I'm just... doing my best...!

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

...

Then let's narrow this done in scope, Cobalt. Just you and me.

What would you want me to do? If I were to respect however way you wanted to play --- what would you selfishly want to do?

[we_meet_again]

[he puts his scissors down and sits back on his heels, thinking.]

If I were in a game by myself, and nobody cared if I lived or died...



I want to live. But I don't want to live at the expense of other people.

I would want you to take care of yourself and do what you need to do. If you left me alone that would be awesome, but you need to hit me, hit me. No guilt, no drama, just kill me and then come have drinks with me afterward or something.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Then if it every comes down to a 1-on-1 match between us, that's what I'll do.

I know that does fuck all for the games and their myriad of nuances. But at the same time---

I don't want your voice to be drowned out by what you think is best for everyone else. You place too little value in your own judgement, Cobalt. But that's probably why so many people find you agreeable.

[we_meet_again]

...Thank you for believing in the value of my judgement, then.

That means a lot to me.


[quiet for a moment. probably having a Feeling or several, you don't know.]


[...then, he idly goes back to clipping more lavender.]

What about you? If you had your way in games and only had yourself to look out for, what would be your ideal way to play?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

I just need me and mine to not break before end game. That's how I play regardless of whether I'm by myself or with my unit.

I won't sacrifice myself for an idiot that can't see the forest for the trees. But I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you all have fight left in you for what really matters.

[we_meet_again]

What do you need in order to not break, yourself?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Flatly:]

I don't break.

[This is probably not true]

[we_meet_again]

[He doesn't buy it, but interprets this to mean he hasn't earned the right to hear the real reason.]

...

I keep meaning to ask you: How do you feel about having visitors after bad games? Whenever I've come by, it's always seemed really crowded. I always wonder if it's difficult to deal with all the visitors when maybe you'd prefer to be getting rest or something, instead.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Oh Cobalt. It's nothing that complicated. He's just living in a constant state of denial. That's how he keeps his "sanity"]

It used to upset Shogun, which is why we tried to keep visitors interactions limited, but---

Let me turn that around.

Why would you come and visit in the first place?

[we_meet_again]

Because I like you.

Because I want to see how you're doing, and be there for you if you want someone to be there, and assist you if you could use assistance.

Because I want you to know that you're loved.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[He huffs at the last one. Out of instinct]

Then you are free to come and go as you please.

[we_meet_again]

[Be careful scoffing when he talks about love because that just makes him want to talk about it more]

Do you get a lot of unwanted guests?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

There has been more than one person disappointed or frustrated that they could not "cheer me up" after a game.

But then I don't cheer up under normal circumstances either.

[we_meet_again]

Ah.

That's kinda the reason why I wanted to ask, though. Sometimes the games are awful, and "cheering up" just isn't going to happen that day. So even when there's good intentions, looking after a visitor can be exhausting.

What do you prefer? Is it tolerable to be around people after a game? Or would you rather be alone and take care of yourself in peace? Both of those things are legit.

I don't want to impose after a hard day. I can always harass you some other time.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Like I said. I don't care if you show up. Your presence doesn't bother me. And I'm not shy about telling people to get lost.

But--

[He pauses. How to word this]

For me personally, just don't bring a sob story. I'm not in the mood. But the guilt gifts do cheer up my unitmates as well as the company. So do as you will.

[And then a laugh]

I say this as someone who certainly did not take your preferences into account before coming here.

[we_meet_again]

Oh... None of those gifts have been out of guilt, though. They were because I wanted to make your life a little nicer for five minutes, if possible.

Anyway, you say you didn't take my preference into account, and yet you asked before coming over, and you talked to me like a person instead of leaping straight up my butt with assumptions, blame, and demands for apologies, unlike every other person I've talked to in the last 24 hours. So.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Cobalt's niceness in its pure raw form does not compute in Intensity's brain so he just gives a shrug of his shoulder, not attempting to argue the point]

Perhaps.

But if we were to take your bad memory into account, maybe 24 hours of Cloud Nine and then feelings confrontation would have been the best way to go. Give or take the alcohol. That seems to be just icing on the cake at this level.

[we_meet_again]

I will admit that the last couple days have really bummed me out, but things haven't felt so dire that I needed to jettison all my emotions about it to keep functioning.


My bad memory was... dire.

I don't entirely remember what I did that night... Do I owe you any apologies for anything?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Teasingly:]

Yes.

How dare you get drunk and fall asleep. Where are you manners?

[we_meet_again]

[breathes out in relief]

Is that all I did? Thank goodness.

[CAUSE LIKE... HE WOKE UP IN YOUR BED....!!!!! ANYTHING WAS POSSIBLE]

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

You also spilled some embarrassing secrets which I'm waiting for the right time to capitalize on.

[we_meet_again]

I have secrets?!

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Secrets that even you don't know about.

Oh my.

That just means I have to be that much better with my timing.

[we_meet_again]

Wow. Wonder what I said.

Do your best to be responsible with those, please, whatever they are.