[ the good news is she wouldn't freak out or do anything to try to harm one of them. the bad news is... it probably wouldn't provide much comfort. ]
I thought--since my memories were back--I was okay.
[ She should have known better. She feels like a fool. A low, dark feeling that gnaws at the gut and makes ones shoulders feel heavy begins to creep in like fog. ]
To be fair, it's really hard to tell from the inside when stuff like that happens.
I didn't tell you this, but I asked someone on Bad End to use their powers to rewrite some of my memories. Even though I have proof that the change happened, from my perspective, I can't tell that anything's different at all.
[ >tmw someone has to specify that they died in a bad way in the House of Mirth. >as opposed to the many other unpleasant and horrible ways to die in that house.
even without her empathy, hiryuu finds herself a little unsettled by this knowledge ]
[ well she definitely doesn't want to argue that point because it's clear it helped him. but
she wonders if that's universally true for everyone. maybe, maybe not--depending on the severity of the memory.... Which is essentially what he just said, so.
--There's an initial, knee-jerk uncertainty (a defensive feeling along the lines of self-preservation?) quickly followed by a longer, deeper introspective feeling as she mulls these thoughts over leading to a gradual feeling of agreement and acceptance. ]
I see. That's good then, that it helped you.
[ her congratulations still feels rather empty, but--there is,,, a faint sensation, the tiniest sliver of sincerity like the edge of sunrise peeking over the dark earth. ]
Before I asked for my memory to be changed, I wrote it down. Now I can compare what I remember to what I wrote. So I know what happened, but now I can't recall the specific sensory details that I kept having flashbacks about. And my panic attacks have been getting a lot less severe since then.
If I change my mind later, I can always ask for those memories back. I don't miss them, though.
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Re: Hiryuu
I thought--since my memories were back--I was okay.
[ She should have known better. She feels like a fool. A low, dark feeling that gnaws at the gut and makes ones shoulders feel heavy begins to creep in like fog. ]
Re: Hiryuu
I didn't tell you this, but I asked someone on Bad End to use their powers to rewrite some of my memories. Even though I have proof that the change happened, from my perspective, I can't tell that anything's different at all.
Re: Hiryuu
[ he said "rewrite," but she parses it as "erase" since the truth is effectively gone. ]
... Why?
Re: Hiryuu
I kept having upsetting flashbacks about it, so I asked that the memory be changed to something easier to cope with. Apparently.
Re: Hiryuu
>as opposed to the many other unpleasant and horrible ways to die in that house.
even without her empathy, hiryuu finds herself a little unsettled by this knowledge ]
I see.... has it helped you, do you think?
Re: Hiryuu
Turns out, some memories are probably not worth hanging onto.
Re: Hiryuu
she wonders if that's universally true for everyone. maybe, maybe not--depending on the severity of the memory.... Which is essentially what he just said, so.
--There's an initial, knee-jerk uncertainty (a defensive feeling along the lines of self-preservation?) quickly followed by a longer, deeper introspective feeling as she mulls these thoughts over leading to a gradual feeling of agreement and acceptance. ]
I see. That's good then, that it helped you.
[ her congratulations still feels rather empty, but--there is,,, a faint sensation, the tiniest sliver of sincerity like the edge of sunrise peeking over the dark earth. ]
Re: Hiryuu
...You seem concerned.
Re: Hiryuu
[ missing the significance, though ]
You don't worry you might have forgotten something important? Something... you needed?
Re: Hiryuu
So, no.
Re: Hiryuu
I... wasn't sure you remembered what you'd asked to be removed.
Re: Hiryuu
If I change my mind later, I can always ask for those memories back. I don't miss them, though.