we_meet_again (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
we_meet_again) wrote2021-08-22 11:47 am
we_meet_again) wrote2021-08-22 11:47 am
Phone inbox
"You've reached Cobalt, leave a message!"
"You've reached Cobalt, leave a message!"
"You've reached Cobalt, leave a message!"
"You've reached Cobalt, leave a message!"
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[see: balloon game]
[What was the other thing Intensity brought? Scotch? He's going to pour himself a sample of this now]
So you're having to fight your unit in order to hit us more? Sounds annoying.
What are the stupid reasons?
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Their personal usefulness to me, however, is a completely different story.
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[He has some scotch, tries not to wince from the burn]
Sounds like your arguments are getting through, though. Good thing, 'Cause I'm not about to explain to the rest of your unit why they oughta hit us more. If I get into it with Silence I might bite her head off.
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...Ahaha, maybe I am a little mad.
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I imagine Silence said something incredibly direct to you.
She has a knack for doing that.
[For better or for worse]
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Not to me. To a couple of my unitmates, though.
Does Silence ever vote to hit us in games? Or is she one of the ones who stands up for us?
...If you feel comfortable saying. It's fine if you don't; I can ask her myself.
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But she's also not going to hide her intentions, so I suggest that you do ask her.
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After the Castle Game she came over to scold us. I'm sure she meant well when she said, "if you ever sacrifice yourselves for fin, I'll never forgive you." It's one thing to hear that from someone who actually cares if we live, but it's frustrating to hear from someone who will also choose to sacrifice us for fin. Like it's acceptable if she kills us, but unacceptable if we do it ourselves, even if the outcome's the same. Like whether we live or not doesn't even matter, it's just our choices that are offensive. How we choose is none of her business.
I'm sure she didn't mean it that way, but I think about it whenever you guys hit us.
[Takes a generous drink]
...But anyway, it's stupid and doesn't really matter. Silence isn't fin, and her opinion is just her opinion, you've gotta hit someone, and I guess I don't really have anything to be mad about since you guys haven't killed us in a game.
[SHRUG]
It's all dumb and I'm just being cranky and bitter.
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What's wrong with being cranky and bitter? Keeps you sane and warm at night.
And also. Counterpoint - as someone who is terribly fond of Silence - why do you care if she'll never forgive you? Words are words and nothing changes.
It is none of her business how you play unless it affects her, don't you agree? And even that is open to interpretation.
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And I don't want to be bitter. Every time I get mad about something, my life gets worse. I don't know how to be angry without ruining everything.
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Bitterness doesn't go away if you leave it alone. Then it stews.
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Uh...
...Throwing... a game?
Wait no that's still ruining everything.
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Fails]
Oh, Cobalt.
Someone needs to teach you spite. I wonder if I get to be the lucky one to give the first lesson.
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I know plenty about spite. Namely, being on the receiving end of it.
[drinks his scotch but in a sulky way]
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[Blink.
Blink blink]
Who were you trying to annoy?
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Closes it.
Opens---]
They probably found it entertaining.
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I think if the rules hadn't changed without warning in the last round, no units would have died at all.
How annoying do you think that would have been for a game like that to produce no casualties? Or for the only unit that died to be one that did it on purpose?
I hate the games so much I wanted to break it.
Does that count as spite?
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But they also spited you by changing the rules in the last round.
Also - were you all prepared to go see Lady Death?
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If you'd asked me at the time if I was prepared, I would have said yes. Hearing about your experience with her since then... now I'm not so sure.
Anyway.
They sure showed us.
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I feel like...
Whenever I've gotten angry about something, I've made life worse for myself and people around me. Being angry has never improved my life at all. Just made it bad.
If I could just chill out a bit more and not worry so much...
I coulda just played played the game as intended, not too hard and not too soft; lived or died or whatever, only a couple people woulda cared and then we could have all moved on without the extra drama.
Or if I were more calm, I could just hit everyone I needed to and not worried about it. Not wrung my hands and cried and all that garbage.
I'm getting there. One of these days I'll figure out how to let it all go and not let it all get to me so much.
Talking it out like this does help. Even though I'm sure it's tedious to have to listen to me complain about the same damned thing over and over forever.
Thanks for listening. You're a good friend.
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You're a paladin. So unless you change that core thing about you, you're always going to take on more than any one person can handle.
That also includes being afraid of the parts of you that you don't consider socially acceptable to your soft friends.
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I can't save everyone. I can't protect my friends. There's a limit to how much I can even protect my unit. I accept the fact that there are times when I have to hurt people. And there are people I've hurt without even meaning to.
What's probably important is the things I can control.
...
[He pauses a beat, thinking.
Then he works a Duel Monsters card out of his breast pocket, puts it face-down on the table, and slides it over where Intensity can reach it.]
I still have a lot to work on, but progress is being made.
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