...I think you can probably relate to how bad it feels when you have to watch someone you care about getting hurt. Especially if they're doing it to themselves. It sucks! And I don't want the people who care about me to have to constantly worry I'm going to do that every time.

But I've also grown super resentful about people off-unit telling me what decisions I am and am not allowed to make for myself or my own unit. Especially when they didn't even bother to try and understand us first and don't know why we're doing things. Nobody on my unit wants to die. We deserve to live as much as anyone else. But if people are allowed to choose to hurt others to save themselves, they should be allowed to choose NOT to do that, too. And I'm mad that I gave away my agency to make other people happy.

I'm tired of hurting myself to make other people happy. I want to make myself happy. Even if that means eating it in games sometimes. I want to play on my own terms and everyone else can get bent.

...Is what I want to say. I'm sure there's a balance here somewhere and I'm still trying to figure out what it is.